Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
