You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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