So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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