i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Holy sore nipples Batman
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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