I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
