New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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