Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
