Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
