Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That accounts for only three of the penises
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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