pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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