Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
