I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Floor bacon is actually really good
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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