i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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