i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
