Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
