You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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