I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
