So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
