remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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