You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
