I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
