Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
