i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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