got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Someone came in the potted fern
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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