i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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