Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
