Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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