I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
