Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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