i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
being pregnant is like rehab
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
