Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
