Pants 0. Shit 1.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
