he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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