Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
