Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
