Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Do you still have your period?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
