If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
