So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
