My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
