I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
