We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
