she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
