genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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