I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
