I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
