his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
