I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
