Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
