i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
