i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
