Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
