my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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