Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
