Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
